Sorry. I'm sure I've now put that song in your head for the rest of the day, but it figures prominently in what I'm going to talk about today.
A few days ago, I played another solo recital - this one was my "dry run" before I make my European debut in two weeks in Munich, Germany.
The recital went very well. However, I had one scary moment in Brahms' Rhapsody in B minor, Op. 79, No. 1. I don't know what happened. I had already played the same thing already in the first section of the piece, and done fine. I know how it goes. It was like my hands and brain temporarily forgot what to do. I covered as best I could but I was so rattled!
I finished the piece and as I bowed, I thought, "I guess this is what it's like when a figure skater falls on a triple jump and has to just keep skating and smiling." I still had two pieces to go, and I'm glad to say they were fine. The Liszt Hungarian Rhapsody always elicits a few whoops and hollers at the end, so that was a great way to end the entire performance.
Apparently I covered it well because afterward, the few people I mentioned it to said they had no idea. Only those who know the piece (and me) well, like my husband and parents, could tell something had happened and I was shaken by it.
It's funny, isn't it? We do something super well... and what do we focus on? The one tiny negative thing. We even beat ourselves up over it. We all know in our hearts that we're human and, in all likelihood, not going to be perfect. We can tell ourselves that over and over, and try not to think negatively, but we do.
A few weeks ago, I blogged about my anxiety over my upcoming performances. I mentioned how I heard my pieces in my head at night as I slept. I was finally able to curb that anxiety by practicing new pieces that I don't have to play for quite a while. Instead, THOSE were the pieces I heard in my head, and they were kind of relaxing.
However, after the recital, I woke up at 3 AM, and what was going through my head? The Brahms. Ugh! I tried to get back to sleep for about an hour by thinking of other things, but I kept coming back to the Brahms. Finally, I thought to myself, "Just let it GO!!!" and suddenly, I heard that Disney song in my head. I started playing the piano part in my head. I started drifting off, and soon I was asleep.
Then the smoke detector battery decided to die just minutes later. Beep!... Beep!... Beep!
I wish I could say I'm joking about that, but it's the truth! However, after replacing the battery at 4:20 AM, I started mentally playing "Let It Go" in my head again, and off I went to dreamland.
Maybe counting sheep works for you. Or counting your blessings instead of sheep. For me, I will let it go... let it gooooooooooo...
In case you're interested, here's the event I'm playing for in Munich. "I'm the Kirchenmusikerin und Hausfrau"
https://www.gasteig.de/veranstaltungen/mein-pianoforte-pianomarathon-internationaler-meisteramateure.html,v47088
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